James Lipton's Ponderous Beard

Sometimes, the beard is a symbol of maturity and wisdom. I can handle that, even though my three lonely chin hairs seems positively sophomoric in comparison. But a wisdom is not always paternal, and there's a bit of that in this ad series:


There are several problems with this beard. First of all, it looks like it was drawn on with a pencil. A pencil beard is intrinsically disappointing--it has the form of a beard, but none of the content. A beard must be man-made MAN-made, not a product of arts and crafts hour.
Issue two: the paternal overtones ruin any element of raw sensuality that is, okay, a crucial element of my DreamBeard. If a beard can teach a teenage girl to curb irrational behavior, I want no part of it. It's supposed to be about virility; sometimes virility is stupid, but it is in full bloom.

Kudos on handing a beard over to a woman however. Next entry: the prosthetic beard.