Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I've had some trouble in Internetworld in the last week--my Facebook account was hacked when a spyware program pulled up a duplicate screen and asked me to log in again. While I was posting about out BHJB PSA's on this blog, a glitch in LostbergSent, my other blog, shut down my laptop. A few days later, my laptop couldn't charge, so I ordered a new jack, only to discover that I was using a dud outlet.

This is all sorts of relevant, because each of these incidents can be blamed on an evil twin, the shadowy Other. Fake facebook, glitchy blog, failed outlet, digitally incompetent Lauren--if only they'd had beards, I would have had some warning.

Beard of Evil

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

James Lipton's Ponderous Beard

Sometimes, the beard is a symbol of maturity and wisdom. I can handle that, even though my three lonely chin hairs seems positively sophomoric in comparison. But a wisdom is not always paternal, and there's a bit of that in this ad series:

There are several problems with this beard. First of all, it looks like it was drawn on with a pencil. A pencil beard is intrinsically disappointing--it has the form of a beard, but none of the content. A beard must be man-made MAN-made, not a product of arts and crafts hour.
Issue two: the paternal overtones ruin any element of raw sensuality that is, okay, a crucial element of my DreamBeard. If a beard can teach a teenage girl to curb irrational behavior, I want no part of it. It's supposed to be about virility; sometimes virility is stupid, but it is in full bloom.

Kudos on handing a beard over to a woman however. Next entry: the prosthetic beard.