The Beard Lady

Transgendered beard --- m-f, Chris Crocker

2010-06-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

Chris Crocker, of "Leave Britney Alone!" internet infamy, tweeted in February that s/he would grow out her facial hair for a week. (Crocker said she had been "living as a woman" for a year at the time, so, as a nod to that, and an effort to avoid clumsy language, I will use feminine pronouns). Since she's prone to exaggeration, the statement that "facial hair controlled my whole world" is not out of character, but she takes pains to define that world as a realm of self-presentation, namely, in terms of fashion decisions, the use of eye liner, and hairstyle.

Crocker said, "I felt like everything kind of followed my beard's lead. It was like my facial hair was orchestrating my whole life. Everything sort of revolved around it, like my fashion choices, do I wear eyeliner, how do I do my hair?"

"It really did change my life, for this week," she said.

Crocker said she's "enjoying feeling out this side of myself" and considered keeping the beard, but appeared clean-shaven in a video posted two days later.

Happy birthday, Brad Pitt's beard.

2010-05-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

[From Life & Style and Jezebel].

Coming soon: National Beard and Moustache Championship

2010-05-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

If you're planning on being in Bend, Oregon this June 5, please let me know -- it's the site of the National Beard and Moustache Championship, and I will require pictures. I'm trying to decide if the tax write-off will be worth it.

Editorial reveals bearded stereotypes

2010-04-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

Oh, young Princetonian, you have mildly amused me and given me fodder for my blog. This picture

ran to accompany "Ways My Beard Makes Me Seem Thoughtful and Worldly," an opinion piece in Tiger Magazine a few weeks back. Author DJA opens his argument with the statement that, "sometimes I’ll soak my mustache in scotch before going out to a social event," which leads me to believe he does not truly appreciate fine scotch, or the distinction between beard and mustache, but the article, on the whole, articulates all sorts of bearded-man personas.

A bearded man is:

intellectual: "It puts me in the company of other famous thinkers with beards, like Friedrich Nietzsche, Sigmund Freud, Eleanor Roosevelt, Yosemite Sam, and Denzel Washington some of the time."
artsy/pretentious: "People don’t question me when I tell them that Darren Aronofsky’s absolutely made better films than this."; "People don’t question me when I tell them that post-structuralism, as a movement, is nothing new."
self-sufficient: "People don't question me when I say that I make my own jerky."
connected to nature: "People don't question me when I tell them that the weather is soon to change." "People don’t question me when I tell them that they wouldn’t last a minute on the slopes of Kilimanjaro."; "People don’t question me when I tell them that I’ve seen good land and I’ve seen bad land and this is a bad piece of land."
good at "manly" stuff: "People don’t question me when I tell them that the problem’s in their brake pads."
political: "People don’t question me when I tell them that this country needs health care, sure, but not Obamacare."; "When someone asks me if I shampoo my beard, I look them in the eye and tell them, “Not until we bring every last one of our boys home.” Then I put my head down and am silent until they go away."
intimidating, and kind of primal: "People don’t question me when I tell them that to know a man you have to know by heart the taste of his blood."

I, rather, subjectively, omitted a few statements I couldn't categorize -- one with racial tones, another about age (because beards make you look older or younger, depending on your face/age), and a last one about sticking three pens in his beard simultaneously. Because, really, beardman, I'm the writer here.

Trustworthiness of beards -- take 2

2010-04-23T22:46:00.000-07:00

This chart on The Trustworthiness of Beards has made its way around the Internet, from its creator Matt McInerney's website to reddit The Laughing Squid to the LA Times. (click on it for a zoomable version)

A general observation -- coverage generally seems to equate with trust, except when said coverage is mangy or patchy. That is, assuming the werewolf is not well-groomed.

Slate Headline: Beards Are Back

2010-04-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

And how.
Read it here.

Chronicle of Higher Education undermines bearded stereotypes

2010-04-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

During an interview, an outdoor gear salesman told me that he shaved to appear more "approachable." Playoff beard guy, as well as other beard pundits, have said that people with beards look more intimidating and less trustworthy -- they are people with something to hide.

A recent marketing study, profiled in the Chronicle of Higher Education, disputes this claim. In this study, bearded men endorsing products were considered significantly more trustworthy than their clean-shaven counterparts.

In our interview last week, Peterkin commented that older people find it difficult to trust people with beards, while young people have fewer concerns. I wonder about the age demographics of participants in this study, and whether the results would've been different if the products in question were target-marketed to the denture or download groups.

[Chronicle of Higher Education]

Grooming song

2010-04-18T22:17:00.001-07:00

I kept trying to make the title of this entry an oblique reference to Doc, the only bearded dwarf, but I admit failure. Just scramble "Whistle While You Work" and "Heigh-ho" with some post-pubescent viscera, and you've got this creepy but catchy YouTube tune:

Peterkin interview: the (post)modern beard

2010-04-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

Allan Peterkin, author of One Thousand Beards and the forthcoming The Bearded Gentleman, was kind enough to muddle through an international Q & A with me. (see below)

Most exciting, I think, was his listing of the beards of the Noughts:

the anti-war beard: post 9/11, some men sported stubble in contrast to a crisp, military grooming style; more dramatically, college students grew out Bin Laden style beards in ironic protest
the strike beard: like Conan O'Brien's beard from the Writer's Strike of 2007-08.
the layoff beard: especially for Wall Streeters, who had to maintain a close shave in order to appear trustworthy to clients
the playoff beard: this used to be primarily for hockey, but has now moved on to any anticipated event -- including, in one case, the birth of a man's first child.

The last three attest to the beard's timekeeping role. Whether it is the product of subtle rebellion or self-neglect, the presence of a beard offers, at the very least, the appearance of progress. While you're sitting on the couch, reading the latest unemployment statistics, a layoff beard proves that you have the potential to grow as a human being.

A reconstructed conversation:
Q: So what sort of cultural meaning does a beard carry today? What role does it play?
A: First of all, it seems like facial hair is here to stay. The mustache is back. The Grizzly Adams beard, the sideburns, a guy might have a tuft on the chin or a soul patch; the permutations and combinations are endless. Whereas men used to take clues from clergy, royalty, politicians, now we take cues from pop culture -- our athletes, musicians, and, in the case of the mustache, porn stars.
It's all done playfully -- rebellious, but playful at the same time. And also, as you said, ironic. Young men are saying they’re no corporate slave. I can teach, I can be a dentist, but my face is my own.

Q: Are beards different today than they were in the past?
A: Young men today are not aware of the cultural precedence, they don’t really care [about what beards used to mean]. They're not worried about contrasting style invokes in historical figures. They do think it’s sexy, it’s masculine, it’s rebellious, and it’s playful.

Q: What do you see in the future of beards?
A: For now, it looks like a very furry time. But you never know when it's going to swing back. For example, right now, the neopreppy look is back. And, given the popularity of Mad Men, some guys are going for the slim suit, really groomed, ultra clean-shaven look. Also, I supposed, when a majority of men have facial hair, it ceases to be rebellious, and therefore lose its charm.
We might be looking at a sort of Victorian era, where everyone but Oscar Wilde had facial hair, and he was shaving just to be different.

This weekend's YouTube tribute to the beard

2010-04-17T17:51:00.000-07:00

Although the man singing women's praise of his beard is clean-shaven...

Peterkin interview, Beardhead product review pending

2010-04-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

This morning, I spoke with Allan Peterkin -- if you read my earlier entries, you should know that I've developed a huge author-crush on him (he's a Canadian psychotherapist who wrote about the cultural history of beards...that combines my desire to be my mother with my desire to write something contemporary, yet academic; toss a facial-hair fixation into the mix, and I am helpless), so all objectivity is out the window. After Spanish class tonight, I should have a break from my rent-paying busy-work to give it the structure it merits. Expect insightful comments on:

the cultural role of the beard in mainstream American society today;
how the beard's cultural position has evolved since 2004;
a new spin on the female equivalent of the beard

Also pending: a photo, and tactile review, of my Lumberjack beard hat.

Abrasive instrument, or face loofah?

2010-04-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

I just unearthed this article with advice for coping with beard burn. They advise moisturizing and close-crop shaving for prevention, and antibiotic ointment for after-the-face cases. Are there documented cases of beard burn, or any substantiation to the allegation that a low-growth beards have the texture and strength of copper wire? I think not. In advocacy of beards, and in the spirit of constructing facts, I will now rebrand the beard as a FaceLoofah. Exfoliate away.

Professional Beards

2010-04-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

Based on the categories of caps at beardhead.com, is appears that bearded men are lumberjacks, pirates, vikings, or grandfathers -- the outdoorsman, the rule-breaker, the over-testosteroned, and the wise paternal figure. There's a bonus pink beard for the "bunny" women. But, whatever -- the ladies are free to appropriate a lumberjack identity if they so choose, the add-ons (Mario mustache!) delight, and the business's sponsorship of outdoor athletes is on-message. Here's to the beard's winter-warmer properties!

This makes me want an iPhone

2010-04-04T17:02:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a great deal of living out minor dreams recently--editing a book, working for my boss crush, eating a dinner prepared by my significant other while I worked. The ability to try on any facial-hair-style? That would put me over the top.

Bluebeard

2010-04-04T16:09:00.000-07:00

Director Catherine Breillat has made the French folktale of Bluebeard into a film. It's a cautionary tale about marriage to a man with a bad romantic history (in this case, the skeletons in his closets are actually the corpses of his ex-wives mounted on hooks).

I've read a good deal about the more obvious symbolism in the novel--the bloody key that reveals the newest wife's trip to the chamber as a symbol of lost virginity, for example--but I am more interested in takes on the beard itself. A cursory review of the literature holds that it is his "ugly" and "fear-inspiring" beard (rather than the bodycount) that accounted for the sisters' resistance to wed him, despite the fact that he was a wealthy man.

In variations of the tale, Bluebeard is, by turns, the devil, a magician, and the first serial killer to capture the popular imagination of the West. Academics analyzing the text go beyond the usual associations with the beard: Linda Millet, author of The Wife Killer, affords Bluebeard a potent, enduring allure. "Blue Beard retains his charm," she writes, "by being ...an overt articulator of the private fantasy of egomania...he is the subject that takes itself for a god."

I have heard the beard characterized as potent, and, of course, its associations with the devil have been much-discussed, but I've never considered the beard's perceived relationship to ego.

Harvard professor Maria Tatar, author of Secrets Beyond the Door: The Story of Bluebeard and His Wives takes me out to left field, once more, when she determines that the fearsome beard is a symbol of his other-worldly origins.

Does this hold true for all beards? Doubtful. Bluebeard had a few other things going for him--especially the extreme obscurity of his hair color--that kicked him over to the Dark Side. Still, the beard is a trope of evil, and, as a grooming habit embraced by a minority of men in the culture I'm writing from, it remains a mark of "other"ness.

Comprehensive analysis of Bluebeard tale
NYT article regarding the film
Further reading

Epic Beard Man "is epitome of manliness"?

2010-03-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

This is some beard-based culture courtesy of some California connections.

The latest YouTube sensation goes by many names -- Thomas Bruso, Tom Slick, Epic Beard Man, Motherfucker. The original video of his "epic AC transit fight" currently has 4,052,036 views, and the spin-offs - AmberLamps, the "scenes you missed," the exit interviews -- multiply the meme. It's a video of a fight between a 67 year old white man and a 50 year old black man on a transit bus in Oakland. The dispute began with an argument over shoe-shining and ended in fists of surprising fury. See original video here, or check out one of the many news stories and analysis of the meme.

There's all sorts of issue to distract oneself with here -- our culture's glorification of violence, pervading racial tensions, senior-citizen self-defense issues, a "he-said, he-said, but they're both convicted criminals with a long psychiatric history" angle -- but I am mostly interested in (of course), his identity as the Epic Beard Man. Really? As you can see in this close-up for an interview:
His beard is not that epic. It's not long. It's not voluminous. It's not even creatively groomed. Yet it plays a significant role in his identity. (He also calls himself "Tom Slick" and "Vietnam Tom," but "Epic Beard Man" has been reiterated more frequently by the YouTubeverse). What about this man screams "beard"? And if we're going for "epic," doesn't he know there should be some element of grandiosity and majesty rolled into inevitable tragedy?
I am off-topic. The topic, apparently, is masculinity. As Tom demonstrates in this interview, he definitely sees himself as a tough guy. "The guy was unconscious for 22 and a half minutes!" he repeats. He tells viewers that he carries a shank, that he's done ten years in prison, and that people should learn "not to f*** with senior citizens."
One commenter on this video proclaimed, "Epic Beard Man is the epitome of manliness." And so, masculinity is defined as a blood-splattered white beard. A disappointing characterization, but one that, as Epic Beard Man worms his way into the collective unconscious that is the Internet, will be consistently reinforced.

Sexy beard binge

2010-03-02T21:33:00.000-08:00

A guy -- we'll call him a friend of mine, because he's a good kid, even though I'm not sure we were ever in touch enough to have fallen out of touch -- anyway, a friend of mine, and the first bearded dude tactilely present in my life, was of a generous nature. He and his roommate hosted many hours of my ST:TNG binges in their room, and he shared his contraband bread loaves more often than he impressed me with his command of the Klingon language (bIjatlh 'e' yImev, haters). Anyway, he also made me a trustee of his beard, and promised that I could pretend it was mine as often as I want. And, while the possibility of having a beard surrogate was never fully realized (after all, I couldn't stroke it thoughtfully when I was studying, especially when he was three buildings over), I remember thinking, wow, that's a friend.

Well, sir, you have now been eclipsed. I have accumulated friends who can feed me beard-related information.
Biggest props go to Kaelin, who published this article about Sean M. Johnson's Beardlove series (there are two). He's addresses the bear subculture's valorization of "natural" masculinity much more articulately than I have. Check out this synopsis: "Bears seek to resist and side-step homonormative beauty standards—characterized by smooth, gym-toned bodies—as well as heteronormative assumptions about gay men’s masculinity (or supposed lack thereof)." Anyway, a great piece about the "productive friction" of "subversive and troublingly essentialist ways of “feeling” masculine," and my first peek at fellow beard-fetishist/ gender ponderer Sean Johnson. Kaelin also recommends http://bearsimjealousof.tumblr.com/.

Then, Jess. She's a scientist, so she cut right to the point: a study says that facial hair and geekiness are the two biggest turn-ons for women.

Robert found some evidence that complicated this information. (Well, his is a from a book published in 1986, citing studies from 1973, so, actually, the two probably don't even overlap. But go with me here). This academic examination of "the importance of looks in everyday life" found that, while only 18% of women found beards sexually attractive, they would describe bearded men as "more masculine, mature, good-looking, dominant, self-confident, courageous, likeable, nonconforming, industrious, and older than clean-shaven men." Actually, it contains an entire subsection on beards, so I'm going to tackle that one another night.

To you, friends.

correction: Boston Phoenix covered beardfest

2010-02-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

It just happened a week after the fact. My lackluster post-event posting exceeds even that gap, so I guess we're okay. Article and slideshow here.

Solid advice

2010-02-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

Pete from Natick wrote to Boston Globe style columnist Christopher Muther, expressing fears that, if he let his scruff approach critical beard mass, he would be considered a hipster wannabe. Muther quite correctly reminded him that a beard should be an independent venture, a growth of self-expression, and something that should be pursued with pride. Huzzah. I would add that a half-assed beard, the sophomore scraggle, should always be a faux paus. Own it.

"Women with Beards" art exhibit

2010-02-23T21:59:00.000-08:00

An installation entitled "women with beards" by artist Barbara Seigel is on display in a New York community college -- it features images of twelve real-life bearded women, and two contemporary performers. Previously, it was part of the "Locks in Translation" exhibition at A.I.R. Gallery in Brooklyn. If only I'd started this blog last year -- it was on display in Boston last March. A recent interview in University of Chicago Magazine covers some of the bases -- Seigel's sense of connection to bearded women, the challenges of sideshow performances -- but, as it seems the exhibit's been around since 2006, I'm betting she has a slew of cogitations just waiting to be released. Now, onto cyberstalking her for an interview!

Still not famous...local coverage of Saturday's Beard Contest

2010-02-16T23:28:00.000-08:00

The Somerville Journal just published their coverage of last Saturday's event, including my shameless plug. The The Boston Herald hasn't updated since Sunday's short blurb and single photo. As for The Boston Phoenix -- nothing yet.

February beard update

2010-02-16T23:17:00.000-08:00

February 3: This editorial in The Cornell Daily Sun covers the author's associations with beards, and his concern over their repression in American society.

February 4: Build-a-Beard, an NYC beard blog, hosted a Beard Ball in Brooklyn.

February 7: As a follow up to the Superbowl's anti-emasculation campaign, the Dodge Charger is sponsoring a Super Beard Contest. They balance the urgency of the message: "Proclaim your manliness to the world by growing a beard...!" one paragraph later, with quick reassurance. "Can't grow a beard? Don't worry -- we have – we have Dodge Prize Packs full of great apparel and collectibles for voters who enter the sweepstakes!" Message: You're not a man, but if you buy our clothes, no problem. Eh?

February 13: All America City Beard and Mustache Contest, in Somerville.

All America Beard Contest Results

2010-02-14T21:47:00.000-08:00

The house was packed. The chins were covered. The beer was free.
Alas, kitsch was celebrated above craftsmanship, and, despite the valiant efforts of my beard-building friends (see below), my Frank-Zappa-meets-Allman-Brothers-during-Rumspringa get-up did not even place. The fiercest competitor in the fake beard category used clippings from her own head (game set match) and looked great, but the judges rewarded conceptual-art-girl, who made a fringed shawl of brown polar fleece, and Santa-Beard-with-lights-lady, who, while very pleasant, did not even both to hide her elastic. Alas.

Notable winners included a member of the Sikh community in the natural beard category, a Scotsman with devilish curls in the mustache category, and a middle schooler in the partial facial hair category. I found a few pictures here and here, and expect more to appear in the Boston publications over the next few days.

I have pre-interviews with a winner and the handlebar stripper (you'll see), which I'll dole out over the week.

Happy v-day

2010-02-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

Photo and object from wifeofbrian on Etsy.

The Bearded Gentleman Book Release, May 2010

2010-02-07T22:35:00.000-08:00

I've referenced Peterkin's One Thousand Beards several times-- turns out he's co-authoring a new book about beards. On the downside, the subtitle (The Style Guide To Shaving Face) and a co-author with a specialty in men's grooming, I suspect that it will be written from a high-maintenance, low-follicle-density, pro-shaving perspective. On the upside, the book's blurb promises "practical advice on choosing a facial hair style that's right for you, as well as insight into how facial hair has figured in the history of masculinity, including its impact on politics, class, and sexuality."

Sweet lord! If there's a chapter on identity politics and gender expression, or a more focused follow-up of the "Post-Modern Beard," I anticipate delight.

For the active pogonologist, there's still plenty of back-reading on the subject to get through before May (see below).

I've exhausted my local library. These selections are shamelessly pulled from the sources pages of Peterkin's book and suggested reading from Wikipedia's articles on beards.

A Dictionary of Early Christian Beliefs, David W. Bercot, Editor, pg 66-67.

Adams Jr., Russell B., and King, C. Gillette: The Man and His Wonderful Shaving Device. Toronto: Little, Brown and Co., 1978.

The Art and Science of Shaving. Milford, CT: Warner-Lambert Co., 1994.

Alyson Almanac. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1990.

Andrews, William. At the Sign of the Barber Pole: Studies in Hirsute History. Detroit: Singing Tree Press, 1969.

Asser, Joyce. Historic Hairdressing. London: Sir Isaac Pitman and Sons, 1966.

Banner, Lois W. American Beauty. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1983.

Beers, Mark H., et al. Merck Manual. 7th Ed. Whitehorse, YT: Merck Research Laboratories, 1999.

Berg, Charles. The Unconscious Significance of Hair. Washington: Guild Press, 1951.

Boston, Lloyd. Men of Color: Fashion, History, Fundamentals. New York: Artisan, 1998.

Bunkin, Helen. Beards, Beards, Beards. Montgomery, AL: Green Street Press, 2000.

Charles, Ann and De Anfrasio, Roger. The History of Hair. New York: Bonanza Books, 1970.

Chevannes, Barry. Rastafari: Roots and Ideology. Syracuse, NY: Syracuse University Press, 1994.

Cooper, Wendy. Hair: Sex, Society, Symbolism. New York: Stein & Day, 1971.

Corson, Richard. Fashions in Hair: The First Five Thousand Years. London: Peter Owen, 1965.

de Zemler, Charles. Once Over Lightly: The Story of Man and His Hair. New York: self-published, 1939.

Dunkling, Leslie and Foley, John. The Guinness Book of Beards and Moustaches. Middlesex: Guinness Publishing Ltd., 1990.

Erardi, Glenn and Peck, Pauline C. Mustache Cups, Timeless Victorian Treasures. Atglen, PA: Schiffer Books, 1999.

Grief, Martin. The Gay Book of Days. New York: Main Street Press, 1989.

Grosswirth, Marvin. The Art of Growing a Beard. New York: Jarrow Press, Inc., 1971.

Horn, Barbara Lee. The Age of Hair: Evolution and Impact of Broadway’s First Rock Musical. Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1991.

Jones, Dylan. Haircults: Fifty Years of Styles and Cuts. London: Thames & Hudson, 1990.

McNeill, Daniel. The Face: A Guided Tour. London: Hamish Hamilton, 1998.

Panati, Charles. Panati’s Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things. New York: Perennial Library, 1987.

Perret, Jean Jacques. La Pogonotomia. Milano, Italy: il Polifilo, n.d.

Pinfold, Wallace G. A Closer Shave: Man’s Daily Search for Perfection. New York: Artisan, 1999.

Polhemus, Ted. Street Style: From Sidewalk to Catwalk. London: Thames and Hudson, 1995.

The Razor Anthology. A collection of selected articles about razors, reprinted from monthly issues of Knife World. Knoxville, TN: Knife World Publications, 1995.

Reynolds, Reginald. Beards: Their Social Standing, Religious Involvements, Decorative Possibilities, and Value in

Offence and Defence Through the Ages. Garden City, NY: Doubleday & Co., 1949.

Ritchie, Roy and Stewart, Ron. The Standard Guide to Razors. Paducah, KY: Collector Books, 1995.

Rosetree, Rose. The Power of Face Reading. Sterling: WIW Press, 1989.

Severn, Bill. The Long and the Short of It: Five Thousand Years of Fun and Fury over Hair. New York: David McKay Co., 1971.

Spillane, Mary. Presenting Yourself: A Personal Image Guide for Men. London: Judy Piatkus Ltd., 1994.

Wilcox, R. Turner. Dictionary of Costumes. New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1969.

Woodforde, John. The History of Vanity. London: Routledge and K. Paul, 1971.

Wright, Les, ed. The Bear Book: Readings in the History and Evolution of a Gay Male Subculture. New York:

Harrington Park Press, 1997.

The Bear Book II. New York: Harrington Park Press, 2001.

Ziff, Larzer. Puritanism in America: New Culture in a New World. New York: Viking, 1973.

I will shave. I will clean the sink after I shave.

2010-02-07T21:04:00.000-08:00

As Jezebel writer Hortense just noted in her post, many Superbowl ads pushed products as means of combating emasculation. In the following clip, a male voice over lists the minor infractions to "manliness" that he endures on a daily basis -- the Dodge Charger advertised at the end is his compensation, and "man's last stand."

My interest in this clip piqued at second 8: "I will shave. I will clean the sink after I shave," simply because this is the first bit of pop culture I've come across that explicitly references female control over male facial hair. Anecdotally, it's all over the place -- one man told me that he currently sports a beard because hsi wife told him that he looked like Homer Simpson the last time he shaved. Clean-shaven men report that their girlfriends complain when their faces are rough (give it time, ladies).

Freud postulated that shaving is a symbolic act of self-emasculation -- the tone of this ad suggests that women, and not society at large, are the ones forcing men's hands.

Beard commerce

2010-02-05T16:03:00.000-08:00

This is inspiration for the false beard contest. If winter were just ten degrees harsher, or one month longer, or this came in my hair color, I would be all over this.
Available here. Knit beards are available in blonde and "creamy white," but I have something a bit more natural-looking in mind.

Is this true?

2010-01-31T20:18:00.000-08:00

Image/info care of cargocollective

FAQ--female equivalent of beards?

2010-01-31T18:32:00.000-08:00

There are a few eternal questions of beard-dom (or of my pursuit of said beard-dom). I have begun to answer a few to my satisfaction.

When is it a beard, as opposed to mere scruff?
A: This is subjective, and varies on the individual. General consensus says that once there is a complete line of hair connecting one temple to the other, and that hair is curly, it is a beard.

But this one persists:

What is the female equivalent of the beard?
Problematic A #1: long hair.
Same: '70s nostalgia, potential for lasseiz faire grooming, externally displayed gender.
Problems: facial hair is postpubescent, long hair is associated with little girls; head hair indicates a more extensive time committment.
Resolution?: associate earlier age association with female's earlier potential for fertility, link time commitment term pregnancy vs. insemination

Proposed A #2: The bush.
Same: postpubescent; though growth is natural, regular grooming/ hair removal is considered common; "dirty hippies"; texture.
Problems: Not publicly displayed; pubic hair present in both genders; hairiness is not associated with "femininity"
Resolution?: facial hair is potentially present in both genders; both bushy women and bearded men are minorities, but not radical minorities.

Anyway, further research is required.

Beard Contest, Assumed Victory

2010-01-31T18:12:00.000-08:00

The Somerville Arts Council is hosting a beard contest at Union Square on February 13. Registration deadline is February 5.

After speaking with event coordinator Todd Easton, and determining that judges had already been selected, I opted to enter the "false beard" category. I have found a team of RISD graduates capable of many feats of hair design. Victory pending.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/benbrown/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

Ballad of the Beard

2010-01-27T21:59:00.000-08:00

I recommend this video for the opening two minutes -- his look of sincere regret, overemphatic thoughtful rubbing, and rumbling, off-key mantra is worth that much.

Speaking of sweet

2010-01-27T21:45:00.000-08:00

This beard is an oldie but a goodie. Sorry to use you as eye candy, Dan, but you are an influence.

Photo courtesy of Ben Taylor

Scooped

2010-01-27T21:06:00.000-08:00

I missed the Octobeard boat. And then, halfway through November, someone told me about Novembeard. I must assume that there is also a Decembeard. And now, The Boston Globe ran this article on Manuary.

I will set about learning the other verbal tricks that grant men permission to embrace the beard Furbruary? MarchStache? -- but that's beside the point. Manuary is upon us, and a Boston publication took note. Huzzah. I will scrape my own blog entry out of the discarded trimmings of this timely clip; that is, I will now proceed to troll through readers' comments.

The most interesting point they raise is the notion that the beard is a traditionally masculine symbol in an effeminizing culture. I have always considered this in terms of the workplace-- men who work in sales tell me that customers find them "intimidating" and "less approachable" if they have a beard. Likewise, many company dress codes require men to save. It is the fourth piece of the three-piece suit.

No doubt, a beard is an external display of male gender, a "look at this testosterone" activity. But masculinity, in the culturally constructed sense, is chock-full of good business practices. "Men" are competitive, calculating, aggressive. Especially in a society that ostensibly subscribes to capitalism, promotes bold leaders, and markets "thinking outside the box," innovation, risk-taking, etc.
So corporate America -- even plain old professional America -- wants its workers to have some "masculine" qualities, but it doesn't want them spelled out on its employees face. Why not? My theory is that it has something to do with the idea of a "civilized" man. A man with an untamed beard is powerful, but shaving that beard is a symbol of control. Freud argued that shaving was a symbolic act of self-castration. I wouldn't go that far (sometimes a cigar is only a cigar, etc.), but I do think that employers, the business world, the Man, if you will, has an interest in constraining raw displays of "masculinity."
I had never considered this gender repression in terms of schools, but some commenters did. "Firsttimeposter" wrote: "It's nice to see boys being allowed to be boys in school. My son's elementary school is like a sorority. Run by women for girls. Any boyish behavior is considered a diagnosable disorder."
I take issue with his [assuming it's a male] definition of a sorority (please, explain the women/girl distinction), but I follow the sentiment. Gender-display away.
But, assuming Firsttimeposter is correct, isn't it a limited victory? Is the freedom to display gender as important as the freedom to perform gender, to "be a boy", without being considered "disordered"?
PJ1 chipped in with a superior comment, by which I mean, one that takes most of these rhetorical questions into account. "The reason that they [Needham High Schoolers] did it [participated in Manuary] may differ slightly from my opinion, but this is a nice reaction to the current feminized school systems that boys are put through. They can demoralize you, but they can't take your beard away...sweet."

Sweet.

slow growth

2010-01-21T17:32:00.001-08:00

I tell myself that things can grow incrementally, that this site doesn't have to be groomed regularly, that interviewing strange men about their beards, ostensibly for this site, is not rendered creepy and irrelevant by a lack of digital posting, grooming, or curating on my part.

It is a lie. If hairs had started poking their coarse, protein-rich heads out of my face when I started this blog, my present beard would be thoroughly untenable and potentially hideous. And bearing such scraggle self-consciously should make me even less attractive. And yet

it has some obnoxious charm.

(creative commons photo by j a r r o d)

them's the Pitts

2010-01-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

Brad Pitt's beard, referred to as "facial furniture" by a gossip rag, he really raised some plucked eyebrows when he braided it.

Let me be honest. I should care, but don't. An examination of the Pitt-hair rhetoric might reveal pop culture attitudes toward facial hair, but I have so little respect, and so little context, for those publications, that I am going to ignore celebrity facial hair (Clooney included) at the present moment.

That said, search for an unlicensed pic of Brad's beard led me to the first of many mortal enemies-- she is a barber/anti-beard blogger Diane Woods. Why?

Because, as action-based, team-work promoting cartoons taught me, darkness cannot exist without light, the X-men cannot exist without Apocalypse's colossal counterweight, and beards are strengthened by those who would cut them down.

Foreshadowing

2009-12-08T17:08:00.001-08:00

I've had some trouble in Internetworld in the last week--my Facebook account was hacked when a spyware program pulled up a duplicate screen and asked me to log in again. While I was posting about out BHJB PSA's on this blog, a glitch in LostbergSent, my other blog, shut down my laptop. A few days later, my laptop couldn't charge, so I ordered a new jack, only to discover that I was using a dud outlet.

This is all sorts of relevant, because each of these incidents can be blamed on an evil twin, the shadowy Other. Fake facebook, glitchy blog, failed outlet, digitally incompetent Lauren--if only they'd had beards, I would have had some warning.

Beard of Evil

James Lipton's Ponderous Beard

2009-12-02T19:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, the beard is a symbol of maturity and wisdom. I can handle that, even though my three lonely chin hairs seems positively sophomoric in comparison. But a wisdom is not always paternal, and there's a bit of that in this ad series:

There are several problems with this beard. First of all, it looks like it was drawn on with a pencil. A pencil beard is intrinsically disappointing--it has the form of a beard, but none of the content. A beard must be man-made MAN-made, not a product of arts and crafts hour.
Issue two: the paternal overtones ruin any element of raw sensuality that is, okay, a crucial element of my DreamBeard. If a beard can teach a teenage girl to curb irrational behavior, I want no part of it. It's supposed to be about virility; sometimes virility is stupid, but it is in full bloom.

Kudos on handing a beard over to a woman however. Next entry: the prosthetic beard.

Another standard for beards...

2009-11-19T13:37:00.001-08:00

the necessity of tweezers

4646 kilometer beard

2009-11-05T05:10:00.000-08:00

Excellent timelapse http://holykaw.alltop.com/one-year-of-walking-and-beard-growth-an-aweso of a year of beard growth, accompanying a 4646 kilometer journey. Somewhere around three minutes, he hits the mange stage, and then ends up Messiah-like. What time does your favorite beard sprout?

I think I'll make a graph of his attractiveness based on time--yes, excellent. Now, to the office!

Moustache and Beard--mutually exclusive?

2009-10-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

Last night, I attended a moustache-themed party (with stick-on versions for those of us who couldn't supply our own). My handlebar moustache was slightly larger than my upper lip, which meant that I had to eat and drink innovatively. The drinking was successful--you set the beer bottle on your lower teeth, then tip back, white-trash style. The eating, less so. I ended up combing frosting out of my moutache, and resorted to tearing up pieces of cake and tossing them in my mouth. I was living proof that stache≠class.

More importantly, the moustachioed folks take on beards: all interviewed parties agreed that a full beard, even one that incorporates a moustache, supersedes the moustache. So the four bearded men who showed up at the moustache party held themselves in theme violation--Beard #1 even considered shaving beforehand, but didn't want to give up the investment.

The beard interviewees became significantly less cooperative as the night wore on, and, in my estimation, the quality of their beards followed suit. I'm not sure if this is the result of preferred testosterone output, likelihood of alcohol consumption, or if I just chose Mr. Approachable on first blush. The highlights of my interviews (audio pending--I won't subject anyone to 11-minute clips).

APPROACHABLE MAN A/K/A THE PERRENIAL
AM works in retail at an outdoor gear store. He interviewed when he had the beard, but before his first day, he decided to shave, hoping to "make a good impression." "[Being clean-shaven] makes you more approachable, in some sense. If you don't know someone, and they have a big, scraggly beard, you're much less likely to approach them, I think."

Case history
He started shaving in the seventh grade, hoping for a goatee, but he quickly realized a goatee was not as good as he'd thought it would be. He had a beard throughout undergrad (in Maine, a beard-friendly region) and graduate school.

He'd go through cycles where he would not shave for four months.

"I like growing it for awhile, it's interesting to change your appearance. Everyone needs variety in their life."
His decision to shave it is generally spontaneous. Occasionally, he's shaved for a specific day--a cousin's wedding, first day of work. He did not shave for graduation.

The current beard
He's been growing it out for two months. He's set a date in March to shave it.

Further points of interest (he was on a roll)
The transition (growth) A.M. has noticed that people don't comment on his beard until it's fully-grown, whereupon he gets a ton of comments. People he would see at work everyday didn't say anything for a month and a half, and then, suddenly, "People are like, oh, look at Mr. Beard! Like they didn't see it growing." There must be a minimum length/surface area in each person's unconscious that separates beard-palcenta from the birthed-beard. Ew. That analogy was inadequate, but interesting, so I'll leave it in. And it relates nicely to

The transition (cut) "The day after you shave, it's like post-partum depression." I should not make light (or psychoanalytic darkness) of A.M.'s word choice, as he was an amiable subject, and more than a drink in. Suffice to say, I doubt the aptness of this analogy. What he meant was that his behaviors, minus his beard, are unsatisfying--he's used to stroking his chin, for example, and doing that without a beard, especially at a moment when the skin is raw and sensitive, makes him miss it even more.

Seasonal
The beard is a good face-warmer in the winter, but A.M.'s has a tendency to become encrusted with ice. He waits for the majority of it to melt, but he cups his hands around his face to defrost the muzzle of it.
Also on skiing: he worked at a lift on the snow mountain. Regulations stated that he could keep his current beard, as long as it was well-manicured, but that if he shaved it off, he couldn't grow it back. His supervisor would come around and tell him when it was time to trim.

Come back for news on Dude#2's "Playoff Beard."

The Gay Beard

2009-10-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

All right, I have been remiss, oh men of the world. First of all, this is my first post this month, and we are halfway through Octobeard. But I can compensate for that by outlining my recent research.

My most significant omission, as of late--"the gay beard." I hadn't even considered the heterosexual bent of my beard investigations until I hit a chapter with that title in Allan Peterkin's One Thousand Beards.

And then, this video:

The fact that I poached this link from a very out friend's page, and the repeated listing of "Glee," led me to assume that these performers are, in fact, hirsute homosexuals--a view of the original post on Joe.My.God., a blog touting its LGBT street-cred, confirms it.

I hadn't thought about what men who look at men think about facial hair. Peterkin, ever the psychiatrist/journalist, introduces the theory that gay men sporting beards are pursuing hypermasculinity, which may be a result of internalized homophobia. He also mentioned "the bear movement," a group of men who adopted the "large, hairy, strong (but also secure and gentle)" animal as an emblem.

Peterkin seems to have conducted more first-hand research into this area than I could, and he provides a short history of facial hair in homosexual exchanges from the Greek's preference for prepubescent companions, to their use as a mask of conformity in Christian Europe, to the flambouyantly smooth-face of Oscar Wilde, the wizened whiskers of Whitman, and the impact of Steve Reeves's portrayal of Hercules on the gay porn industry. In the sixties, men who take to the blade are considered sell-outs; then come the fighting drag queens in the Stonewall Bar raids, the evolution of the Leathermen, the Beards, etc. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much to say about the present-day facial hair situation in the GLBTQ community.

I tend to assume that bearded men are straight, unless they're sporting a polished goatee. So far, this guideline has served me well--the only times I've barked up the wrong, shaggy tree, it's because it was currently occupied by another woman.

But, since I'm trying to imagine life with a beard, I can't see why I couldn't have my dream beard (not a goatee) as a gay man. And I can't imagine having my own muzzle to nuzzle would undermine my affinity for bearded dudes. Imagine--our powers combined. An exponential beard!

Anyway, interviewing gay men on their perception of bearded men could be an interesting prong, but, since this is about my (female) attempt to understand the experience of a beard, I will inevitably marginalize their perspective. But I respect your excellent taste, fellow-beard/man-lovers, especially since we're not competing.

The last word goes to Wendover, who commented on the performance embedded here: "They're the perfect gay men - hot, masculine, furry, but can pull off a Glee musical number flawlessly."

just a hair off

2009-09-30T21:31:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia's beard page claims that William Howard Taft, a fellow Ohioan, was the last man to sport facial hair in the oval office. Unfortunately, it was a moustache.

Paul across the hall

2009-09-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

The attorney who works across the hall, told me that he puts conditioner in his beard. When I asked why, he mumbled something about moisturizers and follicles, and also told me that a British anthropologist studied the relationship between hair growth and post-coital anticipation. Expect entries on this in the future.

Beard Envy

2009-09-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

Freud was a few feet off the mark. Men, I do not begrudge you your lower appendage--but my beard envy is crippling. It hasn't been difficult to undermine most gender norms--I can wear a tuxedo, geek out over calculus, drink straight whiskey, fear commitment, and fully intend to bring home the bacon--but my two chin hairs will never blossom into a full beard.

And so, as Freud might have predicted, this has led to a full-blown fascination/fetishization. But I am not a creature to desire in vain, nor am I inclined to appreciate something at a mere surface level. I can't physically possess my own beard, and relying on a man to keep his on-hand his would impugn upon my independence. The best and most stable way for me to appreciate a beard is to apprehend it intellectually. To this end, and also, in order to interact with as many bearded dudes as possible, I've started interviewing men about their beards.

My original plan was to ask them three questions--how long have you had that beard? How long have you had a beard? Why did you grow it?--but, careless in my enthusiasm, I began interviewing men at a house party this weekend. It was an unprofessional start: no notebook, no pen, no digital voice recorder, and absolutely no objective distance.

I started the conversation by sharing my hypothesis--that men's relationship to their facial hair is analogous to a woman's relationship to long hair on her head. They stroked their stubble and pretended to humor me; I kept them engaged with an abundance of hand-gestures and a reference to Brazilian waxes. Then someone broke out a bottle of Jameson, and the conversation took on a three-drink-in level of earnestness.

A few insights:

Some men don't remember the first time they shaved, while others remember it vividly. Generally, though, they seem to consider it an overanticipated ritual. Paralllel, I think, to the beginning of menstruation.
None of the five men I interviewed put tiny pieces of toilet paper on their face when they cut themselves. They just wash their faces. Where in pop culture did I learn about the toilet paper? My dad doesn't do that, either.
It is possible to shave your face with head clippers, as long as you don't mind an even layer of stubble. This prevents you from nicking yourself.
Some men don't grow a beard because the have hairless spots on their faces, and they would look weird with the hairy spots filled in.
Long hair and beards are not analogous in that the latter is associated with pubescent males, and the former is associated with young girls.

A few comments I made that made sense:

Body hair is an external display of gender. "Femininity" means hairlessness until the base of the skull. "Masculinity" means hair-sprouting testosterone coursing through your veins.
There is a hideous stage that is part of the process of growing one's hair out and growing one's beard out.
Women with long hair and men with beards are projecting a 1970's nostalgia.
The beard or the long hair can be the result of a default setting. A modicum of maintenance can disguise this fact, and make an indecisive style look deliberate.

Future considerations:

What role does hair maintenence play in our perception of someone's sexual attractiveness? Sexual availability?
Why are so many men in my social group sporting the sophomore scraggle? If it's because they're underemployed, then is there a relationship between economic trends and facial hair growth across various demographics?
How frequently must a man have a beard before he identifies himself as a bearded man?

In short, an excellent house party. I spoke to a couple where a long-haired woman was encouraging her boyfriend to grow out his beard. I even found a guy who used his mother's razor the first time he shaved his face. It makes sense--contours and all--but he asked "Is that weird?"

Anything is weird if you lay into for more than a minute--just try repeating a word more than twenty times (I suggest the word "girl," while we're preoccupied with gender).

I crave iron.